Bhaiya

If tears could build a stairway,
and memories were a lane,
I would walk right up to heaven
to bring you home again.
No farewell words were spoken
no time to say goodbye
you were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.
My heart still aches in sadness
and secret tears still flow,
what it meant to lose you,
no one will ever know.

I feel something that I've truly lost my way...sometimes its hard to make it through the day...when i have a chance to sit and think i stare ahead and lose myself into space....my heart is loudly crying out for you...my soul is crying out for that unconditional love only a mother can give...I don't know how I've made it this long and kept myself so strong...I guess i am still in hopes that one day you will be my mom unconditionally... It's been so hard without you by my side...you are a part of me no matter what... a piece of my soul... until you find me i will be nothing... I am so sorry that I didn't try harder and one day I hope you will know that i never wanted anything bad to happen to you...even though it tore my world in two I couldn't ever imagine putting you in a bad situation so i just put up with the pain...I want you to know wherever you are you are always here in my heart...and that I'm leaving this in god's control that one day he'll send my mom back to me ... my love for you will never end....just know that a daughters love is forever

Tears fall..streaming down an already burdened face as feelings of helplessness overwhelms me.... I wish with all my might that I could take your pain away...many questions are asking but none of the answers seem to make any sense to us... what went wrong? how did this happen? Was it something I have done? Could I have prevented it? Nothing that can be sad to ease the heavy load which fills your heart...Faith....nearly a distant memory as everything is drained from your soul....yes... I cried for you... and another day has come and gone and yet I still cry for you

Four o'clock in the morning
Afraid to open my eyes
Another day of grief,
A day of fear.
All alone I feel.
I try to justify all the pain,
All of this guilt before my eyes.
Another day of confusion,
A day of wondering.
Is it ever just going to go away?
All this pain that I feel,
And all this anger, is it going to stay?

Ten o'clock in the evening,
Afraid of the nightmares.
Again my breathing stops.
All I can do is stare into the night.
What is it that causes this feeling?
Another night of crying,
A night of hiding,
Alone once again.
My heart feels empty,
And I can't cry another tear.
Another day wasted on insecurity,
A day of wonder.
Is this ever going to end?

I was only 2 when it began... when I was so innocent you preyed on my innocence and my trust... How was I supposed to know that it was wrong? you did things so horrible to me.. My soul and body were bared... what you did to that little girl left me feeling scared and alone... you said it was to show your love...but now I know... you abused me !!... All the dirty things you did to me won't wash away. I hope that you hurt just as much as I do...do you even remember what you did and the pain you caused to a little girl? The physical scars you put on my body has healed ...but the pain still shows inside...

How do you walk away from someone you love? Can you re-route the course you have taken and start over? I don't really want to let you go... My heart says stay but my mind says no... and I need to trust my mind... We have shared so much together...laughter...fun times...tears... yeh sometimes we can't turn back time... we must just walk away... I know one day you will be happy without me...May life be gentle with you... May god's best come your way... and on some quiet tomorrow I hope god shows you that things were better like this...

lost

My Angel...
Where are you?
I'm lost, confused, alone...
I cannot see you...
There is darkness around me;
The fire has died, my light blown away
By an unwanted breeze...
I am wandering, going around and around
in circles...
Is there no end to this loneliness?

My Angel...
Where are you?
My heart is sad, it cannot hear your songs.
All I hear is the echo of your love,
Its melody fading...
Fading...
Fading...

Now there is only silence, maddening silence.
It is suffocating, draining my heart of your songs...
Is there no escape from this madness?

My Angel...
Where are you?
I am cold...
I cannot feel your wings around me,
Cannot feel your loving arms to embrace me...
There is only emptiness...
Emptiness that pulls, and pushes, and shoves...
The emptiness is within me, devouring me whole,
Leaving nothing left but an empty soul...
Where are you, my Angel? Come to me, fill me up with your love... Make me
whole again...
Do not leave me in this pit of despair...

My Angel...
Where are you?
I cannot see you, hear you, feel you...
Have you gone away from me? have you taken away my heart...

... My Angel,

... where are you?

where do i go now? koi yeh kiun nahi samajhta k jab apne phoolon se bhi maarte hai bahut jyada dard hota hai? am i wrong for feeling hurt? i don't know... I guess i'll never know... oh well

i sit still in a corner and sing myself to sleep.... i think of all the promises everyone made... but no one kept... I walked through life unoticed knowing that no one cares.....I sat all alone with no one there wanting to talk to someone... I went through life one day at a time always glowing with confidence... i was happy... at least thats what i led others to believe... in reality i was hurt.... but when i cried for help no one cared... others tore at my spirits simply because they felt they could.... i never wanted sympathy.. i jus wanted someone who understand how badly i wanted to laugh and be loved...

.... ok so today was a weird day... i don't know why i was feeling sad all day...and today when mommy hugged me i wanted to jus break down and cry in her arms ...after so long mujhe itne pyar se mumma ney hug kiya... aaj bahut pareshaan ho... i feel like jus killing myself... maybe its bcuz i dont know how to accept what is... i should learn to accept what is and stop blaming others for my sadness... i will try my best to work at it... but its hard to accept some things sometimes.... i jus want a hug :(... a good one.. like someone means it ... oh well.. kya karein...

ok so last night i had a dream that me seema and mom were at mommys old house... i kept feeling sick to my stomach... i ran out the door to get fresh air and seema came running after me..right as mom came out i started vomitting... i got so sick....i talked to someone about the dream and they said it represents something that somebody is doing that i cannot accept... it means someone in my life is doing something that I don't agree with and its making me stick to my stomach just to think about it... whatever this person is doing is extremely disturbing to me and i can't figure out what to do with the stress and emotions. another weird dream :P I should write a dream book

so last night i had a weird dream....i had a dream that i was walking down the street with my mom and she left me to go into a store really fast. i looked ahead and i saw a lady that I had never seen before in my life get into a car accident...i go running to her and she dies in my arms... i talked to someone about it and they said i should start jotting down my dreams....they said my dream basically meant that i feel as if i am losing a motherly nurturing figure in my life...they said females in dream usually represent a nurturing figure or some type of security that only a mother can provide...weird dream eh? oh well... we'll see whats next

I stand and fall behind your shadow... i wonder... do i look like you? why am i so stupid? why do i put up with everyone's shit? did i get it from you? Its a tough battle and I feel so small... my feelings towards you you might think are dumb... but im sad.. confused... and hurt... when i needed a mom you were not there....was it something I did or said or you just didn't want a kid? Its too late now and it will never be the same... I look for a mothers love but it will NEVER be the same...without knowing who you are I feel like I don't know myself... I always wonder what you could be like... did you ever wonder how things could have been? no one is there to show me the way.... how am i supposed to know? I don't know what to do or where to go... I thought parents were the guiding hand... Am i supposed to try and make it alone with nothing to fall back on? it seems no matter how hard I try I just end up back at the beginning...Ok god... I have tried everything I know... where do i go from here? you are supposed to have the answers but why don't you give it to me? hello mom...goodbye mom...that's all i remember... you brought me into this world... i wish you hadn't.... its a cruel and unforgiving place where no one but my shadows hear me cry... people say they will always be there but i have heard that lie so many times... where were you mom when i needed you? you look like your mom sairah lol... to be like you I'd rather be dead... what mother you know would abandon there kid? probably a lot more then you would ever think eh?

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE :( I DONT KNOW WHERE TO GO NOW :( I HATE BEING JUST A PART OF SOMEONES LIFE FOR FUN...WHAT TO I DO NOW????? GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD I NEVER ASKED YOU FOR ANYTHING... I NEVER DID... BUT NOW YOU ARE ALL I HAVE LEFT... WHO DO I TRUST NOW??? WHO??? PLEASE TELL ME :((....I'M LOST AND I'M DYING......I WISH I COULD DIE... I REALLY WISH I COULD....BUT NO ... NOT HERE... NOT NOW... WHEN I GO HOME... BUT NOT NOW.... I LOVE MY FAMILY TOO MUCH FOR PEOPLE TO SAY SHE DIED IN THERE CARE.. NO... NOT NOW

Things I figured out

1) now I know why you used to get so angry when I used to sleep too close to you
2) now I know why you used to come home so late when you went to drop my sister to the station
3) now I know why you had been acting different with me since i came
4) now I know why you always wanted me to go out by myself or with my sisters or friends
5) now I know why every time we asked you to go somewhere with us you always made excuses and sent us alone
6) I am yours but I am with condition


Things that hurt

1) I thought you could never lie... I trusted you blindly... put all my faith in you... I thought you could never do anything wrong.. that there was nobody as pure and as innocent as you in this world... if you would have told me the sky is falling I would have believed it... but you shattered those thoughts of mine... now who do i trust? :( I want to be able to trust you... you were the only person in the world that I could trust more than anything... I want to be able to trust you.. but can I?

2) When I was sick I was in so much pain... I wasn't feeling good at all...but you let me go through 2 days of pain... and you told me I could have made you better the first day but I couldn't because the girls would have gotten angry.. so because they would have gotten angry you let me suffer for two more days?

3) you said you were having problem because you couldn't talk to him because I wouldn't sleep in another room... I wanted to sleep with you... ya...i did...my bad !!!

4) you couldn't talk to him because I was using your phone... you should have told me in the beginning itself... I wouldn't have even touched your phone... I would have gotten one of my own...

5) its just wrong !!! :(

I know you don't mean it and I know you try to keep me out of harms way but it all hurts... Maybe i jus have too much expectations? I don't know... Maybe its just my faith? Could be... Maybe I am jus not meant to have any bit of security and happiness in my life? .... ya that sounds about right...anyways for now

Over and Out

No one there to hug me at night,
No one to tell me it'll be all right.
Even though those words are a lie
It'd be at least something while I lay there and cry.

Never just one thing at once,
Three major crises in a matter of months.
Why am I punished for being so nice
Punished not just one, not even just twice.

Body and mind falling apart
Can't keep up the pace
May as well retire
No point running the race

Cos whats at the end but to be alone still
Just don't think I have enough will.

I'm broken, cut, and bleeding,
On the inside of my heart.
All because of what you done
It really tore me apart.

I try to move on ,
I try to get on with my life,
But it seems no matter what I do, I think of you,
And it makes me want to cry.

What you did was very wrong,
It shocked me in the worst possible way.
You being the person you were never would have done the things you did,
Or would have said the things you did say.

It seems so unbelievable,
That you could betray me like this.
I trusted you so much,
You gave me so much happiness and bliss.

My cuts will heal eventually,
They will turn into ugly scars.
All except a few that were left by you,
And they will stay forever on my heart.

I'm hurt all the time.
I don't want to cry for the way I feel inside.
I just want someone to hold me...
I'm alone in the dark, please try to find me.
If no one cares, I don't see a point to go on.
Anyone find me! Anyone care!
I'm sorry, I just don't want to be alone anymore.
I feel unheard and unseen. Depressed and weak.
No one cares and yet I'm always the sorry one.
Someone find me! I'm scared.
Please hold me until it all ends.
Just hold me that’s all I want.
I don't want to be alone in the dark.
Just hold me as I start to disappear from the light.
Just hold me as I start to cry.
Just hold me so I wont be alone inside.
Just hold me so I don't do something wrong.
Just hold me so tight, that for a moment I could feel the light....

how do i deal with this pain?

The smile you once put on my face is now beginning to fade. I wished for things to return to how they once were... for us to be the carefree people we used to be...to have that laughter and happiness and joy brought back... but the more i hope for things to get better the bigger turn for the worst things seem to take. My mind tells me to run away and leave this behind but something else inside me says I can't turn away....so I stay and come apart a little bit every day still trying to hang on to my life's thread...yet slipping down inch by inch nearing the bottom... I try climbing up but the memories of what we were and are not keeps dragging me down...I want to get all these feelings off my mind but every time I go to speak the words stick in my throat. Tears come out instead leaving crystal streams on my cheeks... the red rivers that once flowed so gently through my veins now turn black....the one I trusted more then anything in this world... did that person really change or is it my imagination getting the best of me? do i still have that security..that love? I don't know...i guess only time will tell... I begin to think and my thoughts only make my heart heavier...how is it that I am trapped in this eternal darkness? the one you took me out of you put me back in? how did my once bright world just shatter into a dark cave? was it my fate to hurt and be hurt by the ones closest to me? my mind chooses to stop fighting this losing battle but my heart stays at the front line...taking hit after hit...refusing to walk away...knowing that it could mean death...so all i can do is stand here and cry out for help... but who do i cry to? i have no one to trust anymore. why cry out when there is no one around to hear? I lay still as the final beats of my heart echo...the shattered pieces of my soul are crushed once again... Leaving no warm feelings in me anymore..only confusion..and hate that it took all that time for me to be built up..by your kindness..
Yet all it took were a few words and actions..to break me apart..

Confusion...Confusion...Confusion!!!!

Question of the day: Dil wohi kyu chahta hai jo mumkin hi nahi?......
Possible Aanswers:
1. Dil ko shayad lagta hai ki woh mumkin hai?
2. Dil ka bheja fry hai or according to Yashraj Dil toh pagal hai.
3. Dil ko aur koi kaam nahi hai....ek dum vella hai.
4. Dard-e-dil insaan ki kismat mein hai as a default..u cant escape.
5. Dil bohot fragile hai....mast nahi reh sakta...jo chahta hai woh nahi mila toh it should say 'oh well'
I will think abt more answers so....picture abhi baaki hai dosto.....

As I sit here starring at my scars I think living life is like living hell. My scars are like questions that I could only answer. I don't cry tears any more, I cry blood.I'm tired of lies that life holds and things that don't make any since. Once my life is over my life is complete.
My memories are painful giving up is my only solution. I cant move on with the future when I'm still with the past. I can't believe any of this is real. Every thing I had is dissolving like the pills I take to make the pain go away.
I'm trying to escape my life, in away I didn't plan. I don't know how this happened. Life goes by so quickly to a point where I close my eyes and say good bye.

wishes

I wish I was a child again,
Nestled in my mother's arms.
I long to hear "It'll be all right,"
As she gently strokes my hair.
'Cause grownup problems can seem too tough.
Hard to face them on my own.
I wish I was a child again,
Nestled in my mother's arms.

Dont be afraid of the cutt on her arms
and dont look at it as selfharm.
The scars are just reminders of her dreadful past
she thinks about how long the pain will last.
The scars show her how not to belive in love
oh how she wishes to be an angle from above.
Her emotions she hides under her sleeves in shame
thinking how she will end this game?
She cutts not to die but to feel relief
i know this may leave you in disbelive.
That a girl like that can cause so much pain
and just look away as her life is drained.
She ask for peolpe not to hurt her anymore
She tells herself she's done just walk out the door.
you think its bad as she rolls up her sleeves
exposing secrets to hard to belive!
you think she's perfect and everythings fine
but whats in her mindis a bomb waiting for the perfect time.
whats in her hand,nothing but a knife
you see the tears in her eyes and afraid she may end her life.
She has scars from longago but as you can see staying alive is her regret!!!!!!

Her eyes stare upon the scares on her wrists
The scares are her memories of miserable nights
She is so ashamed of herself and her life
There is pain that live with in her heart
An emptiness you can hear in her vioce
But none of the world even notices

Worthless,
Alone,
Unloved,
The sadness all around her
She can no longer hold on
There is nothing,
Nothing for her

Her shaky hand holding the razor
She presses the blade deep through her skin
And slices through the veins
She dedicates each drop of blood to all she loves,
And forever, always will

She lies her head down and looks up at the starry sky,
Remembering those long nights she spent crying,
Watching the sky with tears in her eyes and falling asleep in the arms of the wind
The horrible memories of loneliness,
So sad the have to remember such times

Happy mothers day

I miss you, but I cannot make you miss me.
I need you, but you do not know my need.
I want you, but I cannot make you kiss me.
I suffer, but I cannot make you bleed.
I beseech you, but you will not be beguiled.
The door's locked, and you will not let me in.
You're my mother*, but I cannot be your child.
I've lost you, and I can't take back my sin.
Like an earth no longer with its sun,
Shooting towards eternity alone,
I no longer circle anyone,
An aimless, mindless, wandering piece of stone.
Ah, Mother*! It would be so sad if we
Would journey through to darkness separately.

hichki satavey saari rein

Enough

There comes a time in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out- ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new prospective. This is your awakening.

You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something, or someone, to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that there aren’t always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you. Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

So you begin making your way through the “reality of today” rather than holding out for the “promise of tomorrow.” You realize that much of who you are, and the way you navigate through life is, in great part, a result of all the social conditioning you’ve received over the course of a lifetime. And you begin to sift through all the nonsense you were taught about:

­ how you should look and how much you should weigh

­ what you should wear and where you should shop

­ where you should live or what type of car your should drive

­ who you should sleep with and how you should behave

­ who you should marry and why you should stay

­ the importance of bearing children or what you owe your family

Slowly you begin to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really believe in. And you begin to discard the doctrines you have outgrown, or should never have practiced to begin with.

You accept the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that’s OK... they are entitled to their own views and opinions. And, you come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a “perfect 10”.... Or a perfect human being for that matter... and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head or agonizing over how you compare. And, you make peace with the woman in the mirror and you learn to give her the same unconditional love and support you give so freely to others. Then a sense of confidence is born of self-approval.

And, you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” hungry for your next fix, a new dress, another pair of shoes or looks of approval and admiration from family, friends or even strangers who pass by. Then you discover that “it is truly in giving that we receive[1]”... and that the joy and abundance you seek grows out of the giving. And you recognize the importance of “creating” & “contributing” rather than “obtaining” & “accumulating.”

And you give thanks for the simple things you’ve been blessed with, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, the freedom of choice and the opportunity to pursue your own dreams.

And you begin to love and to care for yourself. You stop engaging in self-destructive behaviors including participating in dysfunctional relationships. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and exercising. And because you’ve learned that fatigue drains the spirit and creates doubt and fear you give yourself permission to rest. And just as food is fuel for the body, laughter is fuel for the spirit and so you make it a point to create time for play.

Then you learn about love and relationships, how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. And you allow only the hands of a lover who truly loves and respects you to glorify you with his touch. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally and that not everyone will always come through and interestingly enough, it’s not always about you. So, you stop lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to place blame for the things that were done to you or weren’t done for you. And you learn to keep your Ego in check and to acknowledge and redirect the destructive emotions it spawns; anger, jealousy and resentment.

You learn how to say I was wrong and to forgive people for their own human frailties. You learn to build bridges instead of walls and about the healing power of love as it is expressed through a kind word, a warm smile or a friendly gesture. And, at the same time, you eliminate any relationships that are hurtful or fail to uplift and edify you. You stop working so hard at smoothing things over and setting your needs aside. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want or expect certain things. And you learn the importance of communicating your needs with confidence and grace. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that eventually martyrs are burned at the stake. Then you learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to Say NO. You learn that you don’t know all the answers, it’s not your job to save the world and that sometimes you just need to Let Go.

Moreover, you learn to look at people as they really are and not as you want them to be and you are careful not to project your neediness or insecurities onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be, more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and relationships and that that not everyone can always love you the way you would want them to. And you stop appraising your worth by the measure of love you are given. And suddenly you realize that it’s wrong to demand that someone live their life or sacrifice their dreams just to serve your needs, ease your insecurities, or meet “your” standards and expectations. You learn that the only love worth giving and receiving is the love that is given freely without conditions or limitations. And you learn what it means to love. So you stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that “alone” does not mean “lonely” and you begin to discover the joy of spending time “with yourself” and “on yourself.” Then you discover the greatest and most fulfilling love you will ever know. Self Love. And so, it comes to pass that through understanding your heart heals; and now all new things are possible.

Moving along, you begin to avoid Toxic people and conversations. And you stop wasting time and energy rehashing your situation with family and friends. You learn that talk doesn’t change things and that unrequited wishes can only serve to keep you trapped in the past. So you stop lamenting over what could or should have been and you make a decision to leave the past behind. Then you begin to invest your time and energy to affect positive change. You take a personal inventory of all your strengths and weaknesses and the areas you need to improve in order to move ahead, you set your goals and map out a plan of action to see things through.

You learn that life isn’t always fair and you don’t always get what you think you deserve and you stop personalizing every loss or disappointment. You learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people and that these things are not an act of God... but merely a random act of fate.

And you stop looking for guarantees because you’ve learned that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected and that whatever happens, you’ll learn to deal with it. And you learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time FEAR itself. So you learn to step right into and through your fears because to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. You learn that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophesy and you learn to go after what you want and not to squander your life living under a cloud of indecision or feelings of impending doom.

Then, YOU LEARN ABOUT MONEY... the personal power and independence it brings and the options it creates. And you recognize the necessity to create your own personal wealth. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart’s desire. And a sense of power is born of self-reliance. And you live with honor and integrity because you know that these principles are not the outdated ideals of a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build your life. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful opportunity and exciting possibility. Then you hang a wind chime outside your window to remind yourself what beauty there is in Simplicity.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you FAKE a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

A word about the Power of Prayer: In some of my darkest, most painful and frightening hours, I have prayed not for the answers to my prayers or for material things but for my “God” to help me find the strength, confidence and courage to persevere; to face each day and to do what I must do.

Aaj Ek Chhota Bachcha Ko Us Key Maa Key Gaud Mai Haste Dekha...Us Masoon K Masoon Hasi Dekh Ker Maine Bhi Muskuraane Ki Koshish Ki...Honton tak Hassi To Aa Gayi Lekin Uske Saath Saath Gham Ke Ek Leher Bhi Chehre Pe Chaa Gayi...Us Maa Ko Dekh Ker Mujhe Apni Maa Yaad Aagayi...Lekin woh yaadein jo maine khudh apni eik chhoti si duniya mai sajaaya tha :)...Zindagi Ne Aaj Mudh Ke Peeche Dekha To Mujhe Meri Bachpan K Din Yaad Aagaye...Aaj Jab Apne Baare Mai Sochne Ki Koshish Ki To Sirf Apne Haath Per Khudh K Kheenche Lakheere Nazar Aa Gaye...Sab Kuch Paa K Bhi Zindagi Mai Kuch Kami Mehsoos Hui...Aaj Maloom Huwa Paisa ...Shoharat To Hum Saath Le Ke Chalte Hai Par Woh Bachpan K Masoomiyat Kahi Raaste Mai Bichad Gaye...Aaj Aaine Mai apne chehre Dekhne K Liye Na JAane Kitne Nakaab Uthaarne Pade...Bachpan Mai Har Kisi Se Mil Kar Muskura Liya Karti Thi...Masoom Si HAssi K Saath Na JAane Kitnon Ko Apna Bana Liya Karti Thi...Aaj Kisi Ko Apna Kehne De Darti Houn...Aaj Kya Milega Yeh Soch Kar Kahin Kal Na Kho Jaaye...Araam Ki Zindagi Mai Eik Chain Ki Neend Bhi Nahi Milti...Bachpan Mai Maa K Gaud Mai Nahi Sau Paayi...Pal Do Pal K Neend Mai Ek Puri Zindagi Jee Li...Apni Haathon Ke Gehri Lakheeron Ko Mai Apne Bachpan K Masoon Lakheere Banaane Mai Lag Gayi Phir Kuch Socha tho Thodi Der Pehle Likhi Hui Baatein Saamne Aa Gayi..." Aaj Kisi Ko Apna Kehne Se Darti Hun...Aaj K Baare Mai Soch Kar Kahin Kal Kho Na Doun"...

Maa

Thak gayi hun mai...ek baar to paas aajao...aap k yaad sataati hai...ek baar gale se laga lo...sula do mujhe apni aanchal mai...ungliyan apne pher lo baalon mai meri...ek baar pyar se ek lori suna do

After so long

Loneliness is darkness....its like a never ending night...the blackness never goes away and still you can never fall asleep:)...because loneliness sparks a fear in your heart...and unlike other nightmares awakening will not vanish it because the darkness is too strong to allow any rest....it makes memories into ghosts and dreams into spirits....too vague to remember to important to forget....i sit alone now all by myself with no one else...i only have friends when they need a place to hide...does that make them love me? " my basement is always open..." I sit alone again and again and cry...they speak to me so softly like they really care...sometimes i wonder...do they? or do they just think oh we have to be careful with this loser or she'll explode in a rage of emotions? It hurts at the end as we all know but nothing more can be done...why do people walk away when we are in time of need? do i deserve to be treated this way? didi tells me she will never go away....the hard thing is that my heart actually believes her... she stays awake with me calms me down but i always dissapoint her... I feel like i've lost my footing once again while the moon drops reflect on the sea...Im hurting inside and i have no one to talk this mood through with...i am used to this solitary introspection but it still hurts.... after all this time being alone...all the months all the years all the seasons and people behind me i still don't get used to it... shouldn't it be enough that i was loved for a brief moment in time? held close to my mothers heart? felt the joy that only love can inspire? it should help but it didn't work that way...di your all that i have but i can't even run in your arms and cry...i always cried alone ...hid my tears from the world...now when i need someone people are trying to pull me right back to independency... thats where i came from remember? from the time i was born... yet again abandoned by someone i called my own:)...ahh the chapters of life...when will this story end?

no one in the world like amit bro :)

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my sweet brother back wid a bang :D

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