how do i deal with this pain?

The smile you once put on my face is now beginning to fade. I wished for things to return to how they once were... for us to be the carefree people we used to be...to have that laughter and happiness and joy brought back... but the more i hope for things to get better the bigger turn for the worst things seem to take. My mind tells me to run away and leave this behind but something else inside me says I can't turn away....so I stay and come apart a little bit every day still trying to hang on to my life's thread...yet slipping down inch by inch nearing the bottom... I try climbing up but the memories of what we were and are not keeps dragging me down...I want to get all these feelings off my mind but every time I go to speak the words stick in my throat. Tears come out instead leaving crystal streams on my cheeks... the red rivers that once flowed so gently through my veins now turn black....the one I trusted more then anything in this world... did that person really change or is it my imagination getting the best of me? do i still have that security..that love? I don't know...i guess only time will tell... I begin to think and my thoughts only make my heart heavier...how is it that I am trapped in this eternal darkness? the one you took me out of you put me back in? how did my once bright world just shatter into a dark cave? was it my fate to hurt and be hurt by the ones closest to me? my mind chooses to stop fighting this losing battle but my heart stays at the front line...taking hit after hit...refusing to walk away...knowing that it could mean death...so all i can do is stand here and cry out for help... but who do i cry to? i have no one to trust anymore. why cry out when there is no one around to hear? I lay still as the final beats of my heart echo...the shattered pieces of my soul are crushed once again... Leaving no warm feelings in me anymore..only confusion..and hate that it took all that time for me to be built up..by your kindness..
Yet all it took were a few words and actions..to break me apart..