Bhaiya

If tears could build a stairway,
and memories were a lane,
I would walk right up to heaven
to bring you home again.
No farewell words were spoken
no time to say goodbye
you were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.
My heart still aches in sadness
and secret tears still flow,
what it meant to lose you,
no one will ever know.

I feel something that I've truly lost my way...sometimes its hard to make it through the day...when i have a chance to sit and think i stare ahead and lose myself into space....my heart is loudly crying out for you...my soul is crying out for that unconditional love only a mother can give...I don't know how I've made it this long and kept myself so strong...I guess i am still in hopes that one day you will be my mom unconditionally... It's been so hard without you by my side...you are a part of me no matter what... a piece of my soul... until you find me i will be nothing... I am so sorry that I didn't try harder and one day I hope you will know that i never wanted anything bad to happen to you...even though it tore my world in two I couldn't ever imagine putting you in a bad situation so i just put up with the pain...I want you to know wherever you are you are always here in my heart...and that I'm leaving this in god's control that one day he'll send my mom back to me ... my love for you will never end....just know that a daughters love is forever

Tears fall..streaming down an already burdened face as feelings of helplessness overwhelms me.... I wish with all my might that I could take your pain away...many questions are asking but none of the answers seem to make any sense to us... what went wrong? how did this happen? Was it something I have done? Could I have prevented it? Nothing that can be sad to ease the heavy load which fills your heart...Faith....nearly a distant memory as everything is drained from your soul....yes... I cried for you... and another day has come and gone and yet I still cry for you

Four o'clock in the morning
Afraid to open my eyes
Another day of grief,
A day of fear.
All alone I feel.
I try to justify all the pain,
All of this guilt before my eyes.
Another day of confusion,
A day of wondering.
Is it ever just going to go away?
All this pain that I feel,
And all this anger, is it going to stay?

Ten o'clock in the evening,
Afraid of the nightmares.
Again my breathing stops.
All I can do is stare into the night.
What is it that causes this feeling?
Another night of crying,
A night of hiding,
Alone once again.
My heart feels empty,
And I can't cry another tear.
Another day wasted on insecurity,
A day of wonder.
Is this ever going to end?

I was only 2 when it began... when I was so innocent you preyed on my innocence and my trust... How was I supposed to know that it was wrong? you did things so horrible to me.. My soul and body were bared... what you did to that little girl left me feeling scared and alone... you said it was to show your love...but now I know... you abused me !!... All the dirty things you did to me won't wash away. I hope that you hurt just as much as I do...do you even remember what you did and the pain you caused to a little girl? The physical scars you put on my body has healed ...but the pain still shows inside...

How do you walk away from someone you love? Can you re-route the course you have taken and start over? I don't really want to let you go... My heart says stay but my mind says no... and I need to trust my mind... We have shared so much together...laughter...fun times...tears... yeh sometimes we can't turn back time... we must just walk away... I know one day you will be happy without me...May life be gentle with you... May god's best come your way... and on some quiet tomorrow I hope god shows you that things were better like this...

lost

My Angel...
Where are you?
I'm lost, confused, alone...
I cannot see you...
There is darkness around me;
The fire has died, my light blown away
By an unwanted breeze...
I am wandering, going around and around
in circles...
Is there no end to this loneliness?

My Angel...
Where are you?
My heart is sad, it cannot hear your songs.
All I hear is the echo of your love,
Its melody fading...
Fading...
Fading...

Now there is only silence, maddening silence.
It is suffocating, draining my heart of your songs...
Is there no escape from this madness?

My Angel...
Where are you?
I am cold...
I cannot feel your wings around me,
Cannot feel your loving arms to embrace me...
There is only emptiness...
Emptiness that pulls, and pushes, and shoves...
The emptiness is within me, devouring me whole,
Leaving nothing left but an empty soul...
Where are you, my Angel? Come to me, fill me up with your love... Make me
whole again...
Do not leave me in this pit of despair...

My Angel...
Where are you?
I cannot see you, hear you, feel you...
Have you gone away from me? have you taken away my heart...

... My Angel,

... where are you?

where do i go now? koi yeh kiun nahi samajhta k jab apne phoolon se bhi maarte hai bahut jyada dard hota hai? am i wrong for feeling hurt? i don't know... I guess i'll never know... oh well

i sit still in a corner and sing myself to sleep.... i think of all the promises everyone made... but no one kept... I walked through life unoticed knowing that no one cares.....I sat all alone with no one there wanting to talk to someone... I went through life one day at a time always glowing with confidence... i was happy... at least thats what i led others to believe... in reality i was hurt.... but when i cried for help no one cared... others tore at my spirits simply because they felt they could.... i never wanted sympathy.. i jus wanted someone who understand how badly i wanted to laugh and be loved...

.... ok so today was a weird day... i don't know why i was feeling sad all day...and today when mommy hugged me i wanted to jus break down and cry in her arms ...after so long mujhe itne pyar se mumma ney hug kiya... aaj bahut pareshaan ho... i feel like jus killing myself... maybe its bcuz i dont know how to accept what is... i should learn to accept what is and stop blaming others for my sadness... i will try my best to work at it... but its hard to accept some things sometimes.... i jus want a hug :(... a good one.. like someone means it ... oh well.. kya karein...

ok so last night i had a dream that me seema and mom were at mommys old house... i kept feeling sick to my stomach... i ran out the door to get fresh air and seema came running after me..right as mom came out i started vomitting... i got so sick....i talked to someone about the dream and they said it represents something that somebody is doing that i cannot accept... it means someone in my life is doing something that I don't agree with and its making me stick to my stomach just to think about it... whatever this person is doing is extremely disturbing to me and i can't figure out what to do with the stress and emotions. another weird dream :P I should write a dream book

so last night i had a weird dream....i had a dream that i was walking down the street with my mom and she left me to go into a store really fast. i looked ahead and i saw a lady that I had never seen before in my life get into a car accident...i go running to her and she dies in my arms... i talked to someone about it and they said i should start jotting down my dreams....they said my dream basically meant that i feel as if i am losing a motherly nurturing figure in my life...they said females in dream usually represent a nurturing figure or some type of security that only a mother can provide...weird dream eh? oh well... we'll see whats next

I stand and fall behind your shadow... i wonder... do i look like you? why am i so stupid? why do i put up with everyone's shit? did i get it from you? Its a tough battle and I feel so small... my feelings towards you you might think are dumb... but im sad.. confused... and hurt... when i needed a mom you were not there....was it something I did or said or you just didn't want a kid? Its too late now and it will never be the same... I look for a mothers love but it will NEVER be the same...without knowing who you are I feel like I don't know myself... I always wonder what you could be like... did you ever wonder how things could have been? no one is there to show me the way.... how am i supposed to know? I don't know what to do or where to go... I thought parents were the guiding hand... Am i supposed to try and make it alone with nothing to fall back on? it seems no matter how hard I try I just end up back at the beginning...Ok god... I have tried everything I know... where do i go from here? you are supposed to have the answers but why don't you give it to me? hello mom...goodbye mom...that's all i remember... you brought me into this world... i wish you hadn't.... its a cruel and unforgiving place where no one but my shadows hear me cry... people say they will always be there but i have heard that lie so many times... where were you mom when i needed you? you look like your mom sairah lol... to be like you I'd rather be dead... what mother you know would abandon there kid? probably a lot more then you would ever think eh?

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE :( I DONT KNOW WHERE TO GO NOW :( I HATE BEING JUST A PART OF SOMEONES LIFE FOR FUN...WHAT TO I DO NOW????? GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD I NEVER ASKED YOU FOR ANYTHING... I NEVER DID... BUT NOW YOU ARE ALL I HAVE LEFT... WHO DO I TRUST NOW??? WHO??? PLEASE TELL ME :((....I'M LOST AND I'M DYING......I WISH I COULD DIE... I REALLY WISH I COULD....BUT NO ... NOT HERE... NOT NOW... WHEN I GO HOME... BUT NOT NOW.... I LOVE MY FAMILY TOO MUCH FOR PEOPLE TO SAY SHE DIED IN THERE CARE.. NO... NOT NOW

Things I figured out

1) now I know why you used to get so angry when I used to sleep too close to you
2) now I know why you used to come home so late when you went to drop my sister to the station
3) now I know why you had been acting different with me since i came
4) now I know why you always wanted me to go out by myself or with my sisters or friends
5) now I know why every time we asked you to go somewhere with us you always made excuses and sent us alone
6) I am yours but I am with condition


Things that hurt

1) I thought you could never lie... I trusted you blindly... put all my faith in you... I thought you could never do anything wrong.. that there was nobody as pure and as innocent as you in this world... if you would have told me the sky is falling I would have believed it... but you shattered those thoughts of mine... now who do i trust? :( I want to be able to trust you... you were the only person in the world that I could trust more than anything... I want to be able to trust you.. but can I?

2) When I was sick I was in so much pain... I wasn't feeling good at all...but you let me go through 2 days of pain... and you told me I could have made you better the first day but I couldn't because the girls would have gotten angry.. so because they would have gotten angry you let me suffer for two more days?

3) you said you were having problem because you couldn't talk to him because I wouldn't sleep in another room... I wanted to sleep with you... ya...i did...my bad !!!

4) you couldn't talk to him because I was using your phone... you should have told me in the beginning itself... I wouldn't have even touched your phone... I would have gotten one of my own...

5) its just wrong !!! :(

I know you don't mean it and I know you try to keep me out of harms way but it all hurts... Maybe i jus have too much expectations? I don't know... Maybe its just my faith? Could be... Maybe I am jus not meant to have any bit of security and happiness in my life? .... ya that sounds about right...anyways for now

Over and Out

No one there to hug me at night,
No one to tell me it'll be all right.
Even though those words are a lie
It'd be at least something while I lay there and cry.

Never just one thing at once,
Three major crises in a matter of months.
Why am I punished for being so nice
Punished not just one, not even just twice.

Body and mind falling apart
Can't keep up the pace
May as well retire
No point running the race

Cos whats at the end but to be alone still
Just don't think I have enough will.

I'm broken, cut, and bleeding,
On the inside of my heart.
All because of what you done
It really tore me apart.

I try to move on ,
I try to get on with my life,
But it seems no matter what I do, I think of you,
And it makes me want to cry.

What you did was very wrong,
It shocked me in the worst possible way.
You being the person you were never would have done the things you did,
Or would have said the things you did say.

It seems so unbelievable,
That you could betray me like this.
I trusted you so much,
You gave me so much happiness and bliss.

My cuts will heal eventually,
They will turn into ugly scars.
All except a few that were left by you,
And they will stay forever on my heart.

I'm hurt all the time.
I don't want to cry for the way I feel inside.
I just want someone to hold me...
I'm alone in the dark, please try to find me.
If no one cares, I don't see a point to go on.
Anyone find me! Anyone care!
I'm sorry, I just don't want to be alone anymore.
I feel unheard and unseen. Depressed and weak.
No one cares and yet I'm always the sorry one.
Someone find me! I'm scared.
Please hold me until it all ends.
Just hold me that’s all I want.
I don't want to be alone in the dark.
Just hold me as I start to disappear from the light.
Just hold me as I start to cry.
Just hold me so I wont be alone inside.
Just hold me so I don't do something wrong.
Just hold me so tight, that for a moment I could feel the light....

how do i deal with this pain?

The smile you once put on my face is now beginning to fade. I wished for things to return to how they once were... for us to be the carefree people we used to be...to have that laughter and happiness and joy brought back... but the more i hope for things to get better the bigger turn for the worst things seem to take. My mind tells me to run away and leave this behind but something else inside me says I can't turn away....so I stay and come apart a little bit every day still trying to hang on to my life's thread...yet slipping down inch by inch nearing the bottom... I try climbing up but the memories of what we were and are not keeps dragging me down...I want to get all these feelings off my mind but every time I go to speak the words stick in my throat. Tears come out instead leaving crystal streams on my cheeks... the red rivers that once flowed so gently through my veins now turn black....the one I trusted more then anything in this world... did that person really change or is it my imagination getting the best of me? do i still have that security..that love? I don't know...i guess only time will tell... I begin to think and my thoughts only make my heart heavier...how is it that I am trapped in this eternal darkness? the one you took me out of you put me back in? how did my once bright world just shatter into a dark cave? was it my fate to hurt and be hurt by the ones closest to me? my mind chooses to stop fighting this losing battle but my heart stays at the front line...taking hit after hit...refusing to walk away...knowing that it could mean death...so all i can do is stand here and cry out for help... but who do i cry to? i have no one to trust anymore. why cry out when there is no one around to hear? I lay still as the final beats of my heart echo...the shattered pieces of my soul are crushed once again... Leaving no warm feelings in me anymore..only confusion..and hate that it took all that time for me to be built up..by your kindness..
Yet all it took were a few words and actions..to break me apart..

Confusion...Confusion...Confusion!!!!

Question of the day: Dil wohi kyu chahta hai jo mumkin hi nahi?......
Possible Aanswers:
1. Dil ko shayad lagta hai ki woh mumkin hai?
2. Dil ka bheja fry hai or according to Yashraj Dil toh pagal hai.
3. Dil ko aur koi kaam nahi hai....ek dum vella hai.
4. Dard-e-dil insaan ki kismat mein hai as a default..u cant escape.
5. Dil bohot fragile hai....mast nahi reh sakta...jo chahta hai woh nahi mila toh it should say 'oh well'
I will think abt more answers so....picture abhi baaki hai dosto.....

As I sit here starring at my scars I think living life is like living hell. My scars are like questions that I could only answer. I don't cry tears any more, I cry blood.I'm tired of lies that life holds and things that don't make any since. Once my life is over my life is complete.
My memories are painful giving up is my only solution. I cant move on with the future when I'm still with the past. I can't believe any of this is real. Every thing I had is dissolving like the pills I take to make the pain go away.
I'm trying to escape my life, in away I didn't plan. I don't know how this happened. Life goes by so quickly to a point where I close my eyes and say good bye.

wishes

I wish I was a child again,
Nestled in my mother's arms.
I long to hear "It'll be all right,"
As she gently strokes my hair.
'Cause grownup problems can seem too tough.
Hard to face them on my own.
I wish I was a child again,
Nestled in my mother's arms.

Dont be afraid of the cutt on her arms
and dont look at it as selfharm.
The scars are just reminders of her dreadful past
she thinks about how long the pain will last.
The scars show her how not to belive in love
oh how she wishes to be an angle from above.
Her emotions she hides under her sleeves in shame
thinking how she will end this game?
She cutts not to die but to feel relief
i know this may leave you in disbelive.
That a girl like that can cause so much pain
and just look away as her life is drained.
She ask for peolpe not to hurt her anymore
She tells herself she's done just walk out the door.
you think its bad as she rolls up her sleeves
exposing secrets to hard to belive!
you think she's perfect and everythings fine
but whats in her mindis a bomb waiting for the perfect time.
whats in her hand,nothing but a knife
you see the tears in her eyes and afraid she may end her life.
She has scars from longago but as you can see staying alive is her regret!!!!!!

Her eyes stare upon the scares on her wrists
The scares are her memories of miserable nights
She is so ashamed of herself and her life
There is pain that live with in her heart
An emptiness you can hear in her vioce
But none of the world even notices

Worthless,
Alone,
Unloved,
The sadness all around her
She can no longer hold on
There is nothing,
Nothing for her

Her shaky hand holding the razor
She presses the blade deep through her skin
And slices through the veins
She dedicates each drop of blood to all she loves,
And forever, always will

She lies her head down and looks up at the starry sky,
Remembering those long nights she spent crying,
Watching the sky with tears in her eyes and falling asleep in the arms of the wind
The horrible memories of loneliness,
So sad the have to remember such times

Happy mothers day

I miss you, but I cannot make you miss me.
I need you, but you do not know my need.
I want you, but I cannot make you kiss me.
I suffer, but I cannot make you bleed.
I beseech you, but you will not be beguiled.
The door's locked, and you will not let me in.
You're my mother*, but I cannot be your child.
I've lost you, and I can't take back my sin.
Like an earth no longer with its sun,
Shooting towards eternity alone,
I no longer circle anyone,
An aimless, mindless, wandering piece of stone.
Ah, Mother*! It would be so sad if we
Would journey through to darkness separately.

hichki satavey saari rein

Enough

There comes a time in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out- ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new prospective. This is your awakening.

You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something, or someone, to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that there aren’t always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you. Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

So you begin making your way through the “reality of today” rather than holding out for the “promise of tomorrow.” You realize that much of who you are, and the way you navigate through life is, in great part, a result of all the social conditioning you’ve received over the course of a lifetime. And you begin to sift through all the nonsense you were taught about:

­ how you should look and how much you should weigh

­ what you should wear and where you should shop

­ where you should live or what type of car your should drive

­ who you should sleep with and how you should behave

­ who you should marry and why you should stay

­ the importance of bearing children or what you owe your family

Slowly you begin to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really believe in. And you begin to discard the doctrines you have outgrown, or should never have practiced to begin with.

You accept the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that’s OK... they are entitled to their own views and opinions. And, you come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a “perfect 10”.... Or a perfect human being for that matter... and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head or agonizing over how you compare. And, you make peace with the woman in the mirror and you learn to give her the same unconditional love and support you give so freely to others. Then a sense of confidence is born of self-approval.

And, you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” hungry for your next fix, a new dress, another pair of shoes or looks of approval and admiration from family, friends or even strangers who pass by. Then you discover that “it is truly in giving that we receive[1]”... and that the joy and abundance you seek grows out of the giving. And you recognize the importance of “creating” & “contributing” rather than “obtaining” & “accumulating.”

And you give thanks for the simple things you’ve been blessed with, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, the freedom of choice and the opportunity to pursue your own dreams.

And you begin to love and to care for yourself. You stop engaging in self-destructive behaviors including participating in dysfunctional relationships. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and exercising. And because you’ve learned that fatigue drains the spirit and creates doubt and fear you give yourself permission to rest. And just as food is fuel for the body, laughter is fuel for the spirit and so you make it a point to create time for play.

Then you learn about love and relationships, how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. And you allow only the hands of a lover who truly loves and respects you to glorify you with his touch. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally and that not everyone will always come through and interestingly enough, it’s not always about you. So, you stop lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to place blame for the things that were done to you or weren’t done for you. And you learn to keep your Ego in check and to acknowledge and redirect the destructive emotions it spawns; anger, jealousy and resentment.

You learn how to say I was wrong and to forgive people for their own human frailties. You learn to build bridges instead of walls and about the healing power of love as it is expressed through a kind word, a warm smile or a friendly gesture. And, at the same time, you eliminate any relationships that are hurtful or fail to uplift and edify you. You stop working so hard at smoothing things over and setting your needs aside. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want or expect certain things. And you learn the importance of communicating your needs with confidence and grace. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that eventually martyrs are burned at the stake. Then you learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to Say NO. You learn that you don’t know all the answers, it’s not your job to save the world and that sometimes you just need to Let Go.

Moreover, you learn to look at people as they really are and not as you want them to be and you are careful not to project your neediness or insecurities onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be, more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and relationships and that that not everyone can always love you the way you would want them to. And you stop appraising your worth by the measure of love you are given. And suddenly you realize that it’s wrong to demand that someone live their life or sacrifice their dreams just to serve your needs, ease your insecurities, or meet “your” standards and expectations. You learn that the only love worth giving and receiving is the love that is given freely without conditions or limitations. And you learn what it means to love. So you stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that “alone” does not mean “lonely” and you begin to discover the joy of spending time “with yourself” and “on yourself.” Then you discover the greatest and most fulfilling love you will ever know. Self Love. And so, it comes to pass that through understanding your heart heals; and now all new things are possible.

Moving along, you begin to avoid Toxic people and conversations. And you stop wasting time and energy rehashing your situation with family and friends. You learn that talk doesn’t change things and that unrequited wishes can only serve to keep you trapped in the past. So you stop lamenting over what could or should have been and you make a decision to leave the past behind. Then you begin to invest your time and energy to affect positive change. You take a personal inventory of all your strengths and weaknesses and the areas you need to improve in order to move ahead, you set your goals and map out a plan of action to see things through.

You learn that life isn’t always fair and you don’t always get what you think you deserve and you stop personalizing every loss or disappointment. You learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people and that these things are not an act of God... but merely a random act of fate.

And you stop looking for guarantees because you’ve learned that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected and that whatever happens, you’ll learn to deal with it. And you learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time FEAR itself. So you learn to step right into and through your fears because to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. You learn that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophesy and you learn to go after what you want and not to squander your life living under a cloud of indecision or feelings of impending doom.

Then, YOU LEARN ABOUT MONEY... the personal power and independence it brings and the options it creates. And you recognize the necessity to create your own personal wealth. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart’s desire. And a sense of power is born of self-reliance. And you live with honor and integrity because you know that these principles are not the outdated ideals of a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build your life. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful opportunity and exciting possibility. Then you hang a wind chime outside your window to remind yourself what beauty there is in Simplicity.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you FAKE a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

A word about the Power of Prayer: In some of my darkest, most painful and frightening hours, I have prayed not for the answers to my prayers or for material things but for my “God” to help me find the strength, confidence and courage to persevere; to face each day and to do what I must do.

Aaj Ek Chhota Bachcha Ko Us Key Maa Key Gaud Mai Haste Dekha...Us Masoon K Masoon Hasi Dekh Ker Maine Bhi Muskuraane Ki Koshish Ki...Honton tak Hassi To Aa Gayi Lekin Uske Saath Saath Gham Ke Ek Leher Bhi Chehre Pe Chaa Gayi...Us Maa Ko Dekh Ker Mujhe Apni Maa Yaad Aagayi...Lekin woh yaadein jo maine khudh apni eik chhoti si duniya mai sajaaya tha :)...Zindagi Ne Aaj Mudh Ke Peeche Dekha To Mujhe Meri Bachpan K Din Yaad Aagaye...Aaj Jab Apne Baare Mai Sochne Ki Koshish Ki To Sirf Apne Haath Per Khudh K Kheenche Lakheere Nazar Aa Gaye...Sab Kuch Paa K Bhi Zindagi Mai Kuch Kami Mehsoos Hui...Aaj Maloom Huwa Paisa ...Shoharat To Hum Saath Le Ke Chalte Hai Par Woh Bachpan K Masoomiyat Kahi Raaste Mai Bichad Gaye...Aaj Aaine Mai apne chehre Dekhne K Liye Na JAane Kitne Nakaab Uthaarne Pade...Bachpan Mai Har Kisi Se Mil Kar Muskura Liya Karti Thi...Masoom Si HAssi K Saath Na JAane Kitnon Ko Apna Bana Liya Karti Thi...Aaj Kisi Ko Apna Kehne De Darti Houn...Aaj Kya Milega Yeh Soch Kar Kahin Kal Na Kho Jaaye...Araam Ki Zindagi Mai Eik Chain Ki Neend Bhi Nahi Milti...Bachpan Mai Maa K Gaud Mai Nahi Sau Paayi...Pal Do Pal K Neend Mai Ek Puri Zindagi Jee Li...Apni Haathon Ke Gehri Lakheeron Ko Mai Apne Bachpan K Masoon Lakheere Banaane Mai Lag Gayi Phir Kuch Socha tho Thodi Der Pehle Likhi Hui Baatein Saamne Aa Gayi..." Aaj Kisi Ko Apna Kehne Se Darti Hun...Aaj K Baare Mai Soch Kar Kahin Kal Kho Na Doun"...

Maa

Thak gayi hun mai...ek baar to paas aajao...aap k yaad sataati hai...ek baar gale se laga lo...sula do mujhe apni aanchal mai...ungliyan apne pher lo baalon mai meri...ek baar pyar se ek lori suna do

After so long

Loneliness is darkness....its like a never ending night...the blackness never goes away and still you can never fall asleep:)...because loneliness sparks a fear in your heart...and unlike other nightmares awakening will not vanish it because the darkness is too strong to allow any rest....it makes memories into ghosts and dreams into spirits....too vague to remember to important to forget....i sit alone now all by myself with no one else...i only have friends when they need a place to hide...does that make them love me? " my basement is always open..." I sit alone again and again and cry...they speak to me so softly like they really care...sometimes i wonder...do they? or do they just think oh we have to be careful with this loser or she'll explode in a rage of emotions? It hurts at the end as we all know but nothing more can be done...why do people walk away when we are in time of need? do i deserve to be treated this way? didi tells me she will never go away....the hard thing is that my heart actually believes her... she stays awake with me calms me down but i always dissapoint her... I feel like i've lost my footing once again while the moon drops reflect on the sea...Im hurting inside and i have no one to talk this mood through with...i am used to this solitary introspection but it still hurts.... after all this time being alone...all the months all the years all the seasons and people behind me i still don't get used to it... shouldn't it be enough that i was loved for a brief moment in time? held close to my mothers heart? felt the joy that only love can inspire? it should help but it didn't work that way...di your all that i have but i can't even run in your arms and cry...i always cried alone ...hid my tears from the world...now when i need someone people are trying to pull me right back to independency... thats where i came from remember? from the time i was born... yet again abandoned by someone i called my own:)...ahh the chapters of life...when will this story end?

no one in the world like amit bro :)

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my sweet brother back wid a bang :D

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My sweet bro amit :x u rock bro

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how did this turn out?

ek talaash abhi baaki hai.. tujh sey milna abhi baaki hai.. has hass key hi nikal aate the har baar teri mehfil se.. rone ka silsila abhi baaki hai....kuch to aaj bhi assar hai teri rooh ka... behtee ansoo rok leti hai.. silsila to hansi aur aankhon ka hai... is dil mai teri yaad aaj bhi baaki hai...teri yaadon se hai roshan jahaan meri.. yaadon ka silsila abhi baaki hai... andheron ka aana abhi baaki hai eik ehsaas abhi baaki hai.. eik talaash abhi baaki hai...

Hope....

Sometimes I wonder about what will come next...where will my life turn when it seems to stall? When is the next time i'll get a REAL smile again? If I were to fall again would i have the strength to get up? Happiness fills me with a touch of sadness....By that I mean I know it wont last too long....Beauty decays and laughter subsides...When will the roses and fragerence of happiness crumble up and die?...Tragedy can be measured by the ammount of happiness taken away...Elusion is our only protection =)...We fall victom to its prey...Now when i've reached a fork in lifes road and the choices are growing less and less I follow the one that leads away from misfortune..what more can I do? ...When life is good hold it in your hand...but not too tight as it might slip away...you have to close your eyes and breath it in slowly :) Happiness may end while tragedy begins...Today is the beginning...can tomorrow be the end? I think about having you but not really having you...how can i hold your hand and ignore the cries within myself? Its brings me joy to see you smile, but my emptiness still sits up on the shelf...inside my heart will bleed but I will never let you know...Only the tear drop that falls down my cheek might give you a hint...a shadow...a trace of whats crawling inside of my skin... I suffocate when I try to breathe..the chains which you shackled me with won't let my body go...I have dreams and needs and wants too you know? I struggle with my demons each day ...you feed them but you don't realize I am slowly dying...I want to smile as i look up at the sky but the suns beams just bring more tears to my eyes....Give me hope tht everything will be ok...I need you god more then ever now

Your touch is warm, as the candle next to me But my heart is cold, as I wait alone…for you I want to hold you, to feel you near me....Deep within, I search for a sign, or a clue.Iam Lost Without You....

Dil Humara Huwa Hai Kisi Ka...Pyaar Shayad Hai Naam Issi Ka=)

I never knew a love..A love that could be sweeter...No matter what my mind says Your music gives me fever The moment that we danced Your arms felt like a cradle And when you took my hand I was no longer ableIt never felt so right before I need to be with you much moreI can't believe this kind of fate,We can runaway...Is it love? I'm always in a spell Even when I'm sleeping You're always on my mind I hope that I'm not dreaming If I am let me stay asleep Don't wake me up I feel complete I never want to feel it end What a lovely moment Is it love?. I Have Said Nothing Because There Is Nothing I Can Say That Would Describe How I Feel Perfectly As You Deserve It.....I hide my tears when I say your name,but the pain in my heart is stil the same.Though I smile and seem carefree,there's no one who misses you more than me!!Your touch is warm, as the candle next to me But my heart is cold, as I wait alone…for you I want to hold you, to feel you near me....Deep within, I search for a sign, or a clue.Iam Lost Without you. I hide my tears when I say your name,but the pain in my heart is stil the same.Though I smile and seem carefree,there's no one who misses you more than me!!

So True :)

Welcome Welcome...To My World !

Never hesitate To Try Something New

Haved you ever loved someone so much you'd give your life for them? Not the expression...literally....give your life for them?...when they know they are your heart and you know you are there armour...and you will destroy anyone who will try to harm them...but what happens when karma turns right around and bites you? And everything you stand for ...live for...turns on you? What happens when you become the source of there pain?? What happens when you can't prove to them that you were always true? All i can say is this....when i am gone just forget me and carry on....don't mourn...rejoice everytime you heard the sound of my voice....just know that i am looking down on you smiling...and i didn't feel a thing...so baby....dont feel the pain

:)

Apni Ruswai Tere Naam ka charcha dekhoon, Ek zara sheir kahoon aur main kya kya dekhoon, Neend aa jaye to kya Mehfil e Barpaa dekhoon, Aankh khul jaye to Tanhai ka Sahara dekhoon, Shaam bhi ho gayi Dhundhla gayi Aankhein bhi Meri, Bhoolne wale mein kab tak Tera Rasta dekhoon, Sab Zid uski main Poori karoon har Baat sunoon, Ek Bachche ki tarah se use Hansta dekhoon, Mujhpe chhaa jaye wo Barasat ki Khushbu ki tarah, Ang-Ang apna usi Rutt mein Mehekta dekhoon, Tu Meri tarah se hai Magar, Mere Habib, Jee mein aata hai koi aur bhi Tujhsa dekhoon, Maine jis Lamhe ko pooja hai use bas Ek baar, Khawaab bankar Teri Aankhon mein utarta dekhoon..!!!

:) Yaadein

i shut my eyes and try not to see anything....jo pehle tha ....woh ab kabhi nahi ho sakta hai ...but the past lives on....yeh yaadein kiun nai marte?....kehte hai ..bure din gaye....but mera dil kya kehta hai? its all a lie....kehte hai waqt ke saath saath zakhm bhi bhar jaate hai....but log yeh kiun nai samajhte key daag rahe jaate hai....but life goes on i guess hai na

Love...

Love – possibly the most powerful four letter word known to man. One small
word but a thousand meanings. Everyone seems to know what love is, but
nobody seems able to define or even explain it. Sometimes it brings joy to
one’s life while at other times it inflicts pain and suffering. On the one
hand, it is manipulating, and on the other it is generous. It is capable of
both breaking and creating relations. In some instances, it can even be
one’s death or one’s rebirth. Contrary to the above however, there really is
one type of love – a love that is unselfish in every possible way; a love
that is truly altruistic, a love that is unconditional.

To love unconditionally is to love without condition. It means to love
without expecting anything in return except for the others’ happiness. It
available at all times, never fading, and though it may hurt not getting the
same love back, one is happy by simply giving it. The power of love which
makes it most unique is its power to create goodness, or at least to awake
it. And when one loves altruistically, he wants nothing but goodness for his
beloved.

There are things that make up ‘love’, such as trust, respect, honesty, and
integrity. These along with many other qualities make up the very essence of
this mystifying emotion. Love in its broad sense is the feeling of strong
attraction, and often attachment and protection. It is the want and the need
for one to nurture and to care for someone else, whether it be a person,
animal, country, faith, etc. It motivates people to give freely their lives,
time and devotion. I believe love is a choice. If love comes from
appreciating goodness, it needn't just happen -- you can make it happen.
Love is active. You can create it. Just focus on the good in another person
(and everyone has some). If you can do this easily, you'll love easily.

Love however, goes beyond just the relationship between two people. It can
be applied to combat racism, hate, and wars. Dr. Martin Luther King and
Gandhi both civil rights activists, believed that the best way to combat the
forces of evil was with love. Though the statement is vague, to any abstract
thinker the principle is a simple concept. Love can induce change in not
only our communities but also in our nation, and possibly the world. All
each of us need to be is unselfish. It is love which enables us to turn the
other cheek when we were wronged, and it is love which can strengthen
humanity, opposed to hatred, which cripples it.

My favorite definition of love has always been:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is
not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices
with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always
perseveres. - 1 Corinthians 13:5-7

I thought about you today....and for the first time it wasn't about the past...or the lies...it wasn't about the hurt or the tears...it wasn't about my broken heart or what i wished the future would be....it was about all the fun times we had..all the laughs all the time we spent together...so i don't know why people say friendship dies...because mine for you will never go away....can't say how i feel or if my heart will ever heal...but i always knew from the bottom of my heart that from your side i never really had your friendship:) it jus took u some time to realize it...so leave me now before I cry:) ...i'd say goodbye but the pain is too much...but remember in each tear i cry there is an " i love you" left unsaid:)

Remission:)

Remission is a strange word. I never use it. Bad omen, I think. I don't truly believe that there is remission in cancer, just waiting. Waiting for whatever comes next. Could be a long time or a short time, waiting nonetheless. Webster's defines remission, as, number one: reduction of a prison sentence based on good behavior. That fits, I think. Then, number two: remitting of a debt or penalty. That sort of fits, too, in a perverse, analytical way. Then there's number three: diminution of or a period of relief from disease or pain. Okay. And then number four: forgiveness--as in sins?? Well, three out of four have a temporary status. That's my point. Just waiting… an intermission, you might say.
But when cancer comes a-knocking, AGAIN, will we be ready? Nurtured, rested, peaceful of mind? Armed with the courage to fight the battle once again? We never know if this is the last time, but we must believe, we cancer warriors, that we will make it through once again. And why not? We are tough; we made it through before, didn't we?
Back pain, abdominal flutterings; is that fluid buildup, again? What does it mean? Or does it mean nothing at all? So we wait and hope it is nothing, just our imagination. But then, a diagnosis comes, so we resign ourselves to "here we go again." A day at a time.
You know you kind of lose your self-esteem, but it's tolerable if we believe things will eventually get back to normal. It takes a while, but it will come. Self-esteem will return. We rest, pamper ourselves, eat right; take megadrugs and megavitamins, steroids, chemo. Chemo, you know, kills the good and bad cells, but it's essential. We must trust our oncologists with all our hearts and minds. Trust unconditionally.
Sometimes we think, "Why me? Do I really deserve this?" Then sometimes we say, "Did I cause it? Was it the fish, the dairy, the wine or the bovine or nothing I did at all? Just the luck of the draw? Very simply… stuff happens. And I just happen to be the one. Maybe God thinks I can handle it. Maybe He's right."
It is in some ways like waiting for the second coming. When god comes, will we have our houses in order?
When cancer comes a-knocking, will we be ready to fight, be tough, be strong, have faith, kick it in the butt?
It is a preparation we must make, getting our houses in order. Make the most of every single moment. Live, love, laugh, dance and EAT, but eat well.
And then eventually someone will say, once again, "Are you in remission?", and we will say, "Yes" or "Maybe" or "I hope so"… for now anyway.

Something I Wanted to give you but never got a chance:) Too Late Now I Suppose

Just be yourself, be near, and persevere with me.
I know this word cancer is frightening to you. It is to me also. . . .
You ask what you can do for me. There are many things, but perhaps the most important are these.
Please do not stay away because of fear. I'm afraid also. I need you near to know that I'm not alone.
There are times when I will want to talk about my cancer, sometimes not.
But, most of all, just be yourself, be near, and persevere with me.
I know it will not always be easy for you, but I thank you for caring and for being my friend!

:) Rona chahoun To Ansoo Na Aaye...Aisi Hai Tanhayi

No Mood To Write Nything :)

:)

Bahut Udhaas Hai Eik Shaks Tere Jaane Se:X Jo Ho Sake To Chale Aa Ussi Key Khaatir Tum:)

I don't know what to name this entry:)

"Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can't have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life... But as tough as wanting something can be....The ppl who suffer the most, are those who don't know what they want."

The Beauty That Comes Along With Having An Elder Brother:)

sunil: Sister is such a character which deserves Love, Fun, Mischief & Friendship. I have a Great Sister who is very Special as she is so sweet , so loving n so caring.chooti U r the sweetest sister in the whole universe.you pampered me an love me a lot i know.But I always enjoy teasing you...sugli..chipkali...hehe.....t\The main thing I miss are rakhi, arti and tilak been done by you uptill now.You don't know how much I wait for your Rakhi to come and feel so disappointed when you delay it.hehe...next time jaldi bhejna..wish agle janam mei hum saath rahenge aur khoob ladai karenge..hehe.Im proud of u sis..With a sister like U, I know I'll always have a friend ...I hope you are taking care of your health..God will give you long long life. Always be happy. Enjoy every part of your life. May God bless u with all the hapiness in the world. May all ur dreams come true..

My brother is my light...He lites my way thru the darkest streets....If I ever had to live without him I would be lost. I would be no where. I love you bhaiya:X More Then words can tell...Thanks for pampering me and loving me and treating me like your daughter more then a sister

I AM...AND WILL BE...

Why are we born....and why do we die?

A question which returns back every time my hormones take a dip. And it is rediculous how much I am at the pity of these so called chemicals.....they elate me ,depress me,take me for a ride....make me cry when its a happy occasion....make me laugh at pain....

thay make me....break me....I am me because of them....if they are not there...what am I?

Everything revolves...... rotates.....moves in circles.....there is no beginning....there is no end....

a wave ...yeah that's me....today here....and tomorrow travelled far....moving some particles up and down on my way......the fact that I am here and now can be proven only by the fact that I could create new waves...and ripple through life........touching other lives.....I could resonate with few....I could negate some....I could magnify others......

once I have generated the wave and ceased to be.....still someone can carry the energy of my wave......far into the jungles of waves....and let me be....beyond love( a wave),a thought(another) ...a feeling ( a hormone)......

....my existence as I am ....a memory...a wave in someone's thoughts....

A Man...Haha Nice Topic Sairah

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then hell no, you can't "be friends" -- A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Always have your own set of friends seperate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it againist you later. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he had more education or has a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-God. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending.. compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships..there is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you.. a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals.. look for someone complimentary.. not supplementary. Dating is fun even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes. When a man always knows where you are and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Emotion

Some emotions are like tides…they don’t come as small little waves….rising on the call of a full moon…..

consuming you like fire…..while its there..its brilliantly lit…and when extinguished ….there is ash…..

Where is the home of these? Where do they come from? Where do they go?

They link me with persons I have no idea of….opens up the doors to myself….

Sometimes I am a bit scared to tread further…..I don’t want to know everything about myself…..some secrets should be kept secretly away from myself….

Not all emotions are to be voiced….not all truths need be told….

£ØVÊ

Ik bhavna
jiska intazaar sadiyo se raha
Ik aasha
jisne sada us bhavna ka saath na chhoda
Aur ek main
jo in sang hoti hui bhi
kabhi sang thi hi nahi.
Hum teeno aksar
tumhari baatein karte the
karte hain
Farak bus itna hai
ke us pal hum mehz ek
kalpana the
Aur aaj...
aaj ek sach hain.

Happy Bday To Me :(

I miss you riya didi :( you didn't even call me for my bday aap kahan ho :(

For My Loved Ones

I'd like the memory of me to be a happy one. I'd like to leave an after glow of smiles when life is done. I'd like to leave an echo whispering softly down the ways, of happy times and laughing times and bright and sunny days. I'd like the tears of those who grieve, to dry before the sun of happy memories that I leave When life is done.

Hehe Thnx Priyu

I fell in love wid dis song:P

wat a dayyy

Wow I had such a weird day yesterday. I was driving home and saw an old guy laying in the middle of the street ...People were just driving by him like he was some roadkill...no one stopped to help him. I pulled over to the side and called 911...stupid ppl..didnt answer my call for 15 minutes...the guy got up and started stumbling away....I kept following him because he kept falling to the floor and I didn't want to lose sight of him...I was afraid he'd run into the street or something because he was so disoriented...The whole time I kept my foot on speed just in case this guy pulled out a gun or something...he came and tried to open my door so I locked it...he was trying to ask me to take him home...and it was the hardest decision but I told him I cant and he started walking away...As he was walking I think he was feeling comfortable that I was following him...at one time I stopped following him just to see where he would go and he started walking back towards my car....when I started driving towards him again he started walking...I think he wanted me to follow him....he kept looking back at me and calling me everytime he fell down. Finally the cops came *phew*...and the cop said its good that i followed him...wat a day eh...it turns out today when i called to ask what was wrong they said he was on ridalyn and he was heavily intoxicated....idiot...nearly gave me a heart attack

Thank god for my life

I was watching a biography today on a little 1 yr old boy...they discovered he had brain tumor....the poor baby went through 4 operations and tons of chemo by the time he was 16 months....and still he was smiling and laughing all the time. Even during his chemo he was crying and smiling at the same time. I saw this story and laughed at myself....How stupid can I be....a couple of months later the dr's decided they will take him off of chemo because they knew this baby would not make it through...his father and mother decided they will let him leave a happy life at home with them until he takes his last breath...6 months later the little angel died....god why put little kids through so much? Bless the little angels Soul...Rest In Peace Sweetheart...look how adorable he looks in his picture=(

Webpage for the little angel

Thoughts Ov Da Mind

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed toever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probablymore than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, soremember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your bestfriend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll crybecause time is passing too fast , and you'll eventually lose someone youlove. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've neverbeen hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute ofhappiness you'll never get back.Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

Marne Ki Duwa=)

Yunh to Zamaana Humaare Jeene Ki Dua Karte Hai....Lekin Jis Key Liye Hum Jeete Hai Woh Humaare Marne Ki Dua Karte Hai....Mehfil Mai Humaare Aane Ki Raaha Sab Dekhte Hai...aur Woh Humare Mehfil Sey Jaane Ka Raasta Dhoondte Hai....Na Jaane Woh Is Kadar Humse Khaffa Kiun Hogaye...Par Hum to Unhe Har Saans Key Saath Yaad Kiya Karte Hai...Log Bhool Jayenge Unhe Jo Pyar Ke Naam Per Marte Hai.....Yaad Rakhenge Unhe Jo Marne Ki Intezaar Mai Jiya Karte Hai

Ishq......

Aye Ishq Na Ched Aa Aa Key Humein...Hum Bhooley Huvon Ko Yaad Na Kar...Aye Ishq Yeh Kaisa Rog Laga....Jeete Hai Na Zaalim Marte Hai...Aankhon Mai Tasavur Dil Mai Khalish....Sar Ghoomtey Hai Aahein Bharte Hain...Kismat Ka Sitam Hi Kam Nahi To Yeh Taaza Sitam Ijaad Na Kar....In Khawabon Sey Yunh Aazaad Na Kar...Aye Ishq Humein Barbaad Na kar....

Sukoon....

Armaan Bhare Dil Mai Zakhmon Ko Jagah De De.....Bhadke Hue sholon Ko Kuch Aur Hawa De De...Banti Hai To Ban Jaaye Yeh Zindagi Afsaana..........Fariyad Sey Kya Haasil ...rone Se Natija Kya....Bekaar Hai Yeh Baatein...In Baaton Sey Hoga Kya....Apna Bhi Ghadi Bhar Main Ban Jaata Hai Begaana...Aye Mere Dil-E Nadaan Tu Gham Se Na Ghabraana

Sheraz: Tumhein sari dunya se chupar apne pass rakhna chahta hun
Dunya ke nazaron se durr le jana chahtha hun
Yeh mat samghna mughe tumse bewafai ka dar hai
Bas meri mohabaat mein kabhi kisi kami ka dar hai
Tumhein chura le koi mughse yeh darr laga rehta hai
Mujhse meri zindegi koi le le yeh darr laga rehta hai
Tumhein apni dhadkan se bhi kareeb rekhna chahta hun
Lamha Lamha zindegi ka tumhare saath jeena marna chahta hun

I'm just sitting here thinking about you tonight...I Hear you call my name....As I Turn to see who is calling me no one is there...only your voice...I Glance around the room to see if anyone else hears it too but even the dogs just laying there....I Miss you so much...I keep telling you but I know you can't hear me...Still I hear you calling my name louder and louder everyday....As Tears rolled down my face I realized today maybe its time to let go....although i will always miss you.....I guess you are in a better place now...so goodbye hun=)

A Wise Person Said to me

Just Today infact=) Some words that really touched me....i don't know her of course but thank you for those kind words....i am getting strength and courage from words on a computer from somebody i don't even know but its all worth it...the quote was, "When you come to the edge of all the light you know and you are about to step off in the darkness of the unknown, faith knows one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly." <<<<<

Sheraz.........

Although I have gone beyond right or wrong
I have gone to what is pure and real.
With every breath I breathe, it tightens
At the beauty of knowing what it feels like
To be in love.
And, although the pain of being away from you
Is so overwhelmingly hard to bare
I have felt love,
I have held you,
I have touched you
With a touch that can only be felt
Or given with entire intensity
As the touch I've given to you, and the touch
You shared with me.
A thousand feelings engross me.
Feelings that are indescribable, yet, so fiercely strong,
And ruling to my very essence.
Should I have?
I can ask myself that a million times.
Should I have met you?
I thought that meeting you would free my
Desire for you
But it has only amplified the deepest love
That comes from within me, for you.
And yet, with all this love I feel inside
There is also a hidden sadness,
A sadness that promises no one tomorrow,
That leaves your heart open
With amazing clarity of want
But closed to know if it will ever be
Reunited again.
So with this I must tell you
That I have loved you
As I have never loved another.
I have shared not just my body
But who it is I am.
And no matter where our lives take us
You and I have been to a place that...
Is ours forever.
To be in love

For You

Chalte Kadam Ko Rok Na Sake...Yaad Dil Se Jaatee Nahi...Laakh Samjhaaya dil Ko...Dil Se Dard Mittha Nahin.......Aapkee Eik Jhalak Ka Intezaar Hai...Aap Key Begair Yeh Dil Bekaraar Hai...Dost Na Sahi...Dushman Bana Key Yaad Kar Lo Humme...Jab Duniya Thukrayenge...Tab Hi Kaam Aayenge Hum...Raahon Mai Phool Bicha Key Intezaar Karenge...Khuda Se Pehle Tere Naam Lenge....Tujhe poojenge Tujhe Chahenge...Teree Yaad Se Hi Jeewan Paayenge...Tum jab bhi mudh key dekhoge...Hume Apna Hi Muntizer Paoge

wat is it?

look into my eyes tell me what you see.....is it my physical feature or really me? i talk to you everyday and sometimes even look into your eyes and wonder why....i dream everyday wishing for you and only you....wanting to tell you my only dream is to hear u say " I love u"

Happy Birthday Jiju

I Can't wish you a long life....cuz unfortunately you left us before any of us wanted you too but i can say jiju aap jahan bhi raho khush raho=)I miss u lots...i wish u were here so i could sing you a happy bday song and we could have lots of fun....Plz come bak jiju...we all need u

Aap Kya Samjhe?

Hum ney aapko bhula rakha hai? .....aap nahin jaante...bas dil mai chupa rakha hai....dekh na ley koi aapko meri aankhon main...issi darr sey palkon ko jhukaaye rakha hai...

Hi Jiju

I Know you used to always sit and read my blog whenever you had free time. It was the only way you knew what was going on in my life. I am hoping you also are reading this from up in heaven=)....i'm so lonely without you to talk to. I am trying my best to take care of didi also but shes so far from me and I don't want to be a failure to you jiju. I try to always make sure shes smiling and she eats and sleeps on time. Actually jiju didi is being very brave. She is maybe stronger then me. Mujh mai itna himmat bhi nahi ki I can delete your ID from my list. I read the emails you sent me over and over and I saved all our conversations. I miss you alot jiju. I always could talk to you about everything=( you promised you would come and visit me and i didnt even get to say goodbye to you. I wish i could turn back time and you can just come back. I worry about my didi so much. I try to keep her with me as much as I can. I know how much you loved didi and she misses you alot as well. Jiju please come back=( we need you

I Miss U Jiju

When tomorrow starts without me,
and I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me:

I wish you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too:

But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand.

And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,

He said, "This is eternity.
And all I've promised you.
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same way
There's no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times
You did some things

You knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you come and take my hand
And share my life with me?"

So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.

hehe isnt this sooooooo cute......

He contacted me again

He Sent This to Me....Why Does he make it so hard for me to get over him?? Does he like seeing me suffer?? My heart just melted all over again

Hi, Baby Bear You're always lighting up my heart with the things you do and say. I feel so happy just being with you this way. You're my baby, and will forever be my baby. You will always be the love of my life, and please never give up, always have faith in yourself and you will gain the greatest gift of all, the gift of hope and love you righteously deserve. Every time I think of you my heart misses a beat. You're my theme for a dream! Every moment we share together we grow closer. I'm simply hanging by a moment, waiting to see you again so you can hold me so tight that all else fades, I thought after you left you would fade away from my mind, but still everyday I wake up dreaming of our time together. I will never forget you. I hope you still think of me too. I love you with all that I am, all that I was and all that I will ever be. Please know that my love and I are inseparable and I would want it no other way and if time could express my love for you then it's forever and a day, I can't wait to be with you